I have locked it all away. After finding out that someone has gotten tired of me i have locked it all away like i used to do. I have put all the feelings away and plastered a smile on my face. I am not so sure if this will work but idc. To make the world happy i will put it all away. All the things rushing through my brain. All the things beating at my heart. I will lock them up into a small corner and pretend like everything is ok. I will tell no one of the things i am going through. I will hide all my problems, even to myself. That way everyone will believe that i am ok.
I have been listenting to this song called "Letting Go" by Gary Valenciano. I like it. It kinda sums things up right now. I am ready to open up my heart to Him and only Him. Everyone can f**k themselves. Like i said. Everything locked away in a vault gaurded by demons and spirits and powers greater than any human can handle. But to Him, everything is obvious. I can hide nothing. I will let go of everything. Or, i will try to let go. For He knows what i am feeling.
I used to feel the emptiness inside me
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show
His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show
His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand
Ok so those are the lyrics to the song. That is a song imma listen to tonight as i sleep. I want to let go of a lot of things....actually a lot of people. I want to let go of the people in my life that give me negative feelings. I want to bring those in my life that make me happy close.
So i guess i have a long list of protagonists....but i didn't name all the antagonists. If this were a story we are supposed to analyze in english lit this story would contain a lot of symbolism, imagery, negative connotations and convoluted moods.
Idk what else to say about my feelings right now...imma talk about the choir concert!
Ok so we had a really good concert. The first day was horrible. It took too long, we had a lot of mistakes. We started late, I messed up my song. The second night was awesome! We did good. Only 30 minutes late. We only had 1 mistake but Destiny pulled it off flawlessly. And it was faster then the first show. I also liked my solo. I did better. I was calm. I didn't mess up my lines. I looked ok since my ate R. did my hair. ^.^ i so love her!!!
Right now i am really tired so im going to sleep. goodbye to all the antagonists....i dnt wanna deal with them this weekend. I'm going to lock away all the hurts, pains, aches, negativety, sadness, depression and i will lock away all the joy, happiness, elation, calmness, and all the good. Because without suffering how do you know what paradise really is. So that means if i lock away the suffereing i must lock away paradise. I will do this because of that person who said he became tired of me. I will go back to trying to make everyone else happy. I don't matter anyway...right? But i am determined to lock it all away and make things better for everyone else...cuz it's never about me.....