Smile Princess Can't Smile

Hmm...I haven't been on in a while. I guess school started n i got really busy with all the stress, drama, n all the other stuff in between. School has been ok. I have been falling behind recently. I guess it is because of those few days I had to get out of school to do the choir stuff. Lame excuse I know but oh well. I am catching up to my class so I guess I am getting back on track. The holidays were fun. Lots of gifts n laughter. I wish it were still the holidays. Then I don't have to stress as much as I do now. Life has been a big drama story since school started. I am not happy about it.
It's like I am always on my toes. I always have to watch out for something but I don't know what it is. It sux a lot...I don't really know who my real friends are anymore. A few nights ago I just broke down n cried till I fell asleep. I couldn't help it. All I thought about is all the pressure of my fake friends, school, choir, yearbook, badminton, mom, college. It is coming at me from all sides and I really don't know what to do.
Lately I have only been relying on myself. That is all i have really. I have home issues that no one knows about. Me n that other someone know about it but that is all. Me n him have really big issues between us. I wish me n him could go back to seven years ago when we loved each other a lot. We were friends. He was like my big brother. We talked all night n we played games together. He used to defend me when I felt bad...That is all gone now. Sux. Now it's always fighting, yelling, not talking.
My friend's aren't who they used to be. sux....I dont really know who to trust anymore. I used to be able to trust Em but not no more. she is just like her parents now. Her paren't dont want her hanging around me n the rest of our friends because we are not part of her little prayer meeting cult....bullshit! gah! I thought Em would be different. But she is not. Wutever. Screw it. I still have Reindeer n the rest of the older crew. When I am 18 I can kick it with them as much as I want. No one can tell me what to do. I will be going to college n I won't settle for sum stupid Cal State like Em n Diva. I am too good for that kind of school. I will go to UCI n I will get a great education n I will make something out of myself. I will get great friends at UCI n I will forget about High School. I will visit my High School for my real friends that I will have to leave behind like Yoshi, Penguin, Jen Jen, My Link Kids. Gah! I need to Chill.